I’ve been reflecting a lot on dreams…

…more specifically, how my dreams have changed over the decades.

I remember, when I was somewhere between 14 and 16 years old, waxing poetic about adulthood. To me, adulthood was fast-paced and glitzy, a bit urban, definitely far-removed from the familiar chaos of my suburban home life. Adulthood was unabashed independence. Adulthood was freedom.

When I was somewhere between 14 and 16 years old, I equated adulthood with a primary image—that of the stretch of Interstate 80, between Albany and Berkeley and Emeryville, right before the chaotic 80-580-880 split, bordered by concrete buildings and the San Francisco Bay’s sparkling surface. All I had wanted at that point of time was the opportunity to be part of that image: to occupy one of those pinpricks of light, to navigate a world filled with public transit and the hustle and bustle of a commute and late nights at a neighborhood bar.

It was all I had wanted.

—

I’m in my mid to late 30’s now, and—what’s wild to me—I’ve achieved that dream. I did spend a good chunk of my adult life living in the East Bay, working in San Francisco, being one of the thousands of commuters that traversed across the bay via bus or BART. I did rent a few apartments in Emeryville, right along that particular stretch of 80, and spent my evenings drinking craft beer and hopping from bar to microbrewery and eating at the hot spots. I worked my way up and down the corporate ladder and bought myself nice things and nice vacations…

I achieved that dream, and that dream has since lost its luster.

It wouldn’t be hyperbolic for me to say that I’ve grown tired: tired of hustling and bustling, tired of needing to produce to prove my worth. Over the past few years, I’ve come to believe that there can be more available when I do “less”—namely, return to fundamentals of humanity.

I’ve adopted a new dream, I think. And while I can’t describe with certainty or concision what that dream is, I can describe it with some vague words and concepts. That dream is softer. More restful. More steeped in meaningful community, mainly community with those who give generously, communicate honestly, live authentically.

I’m at a stage in my life when I’m trying to chisel that dream out of stone. When I’m working to make that “ideal life” a bit clearer, a bit more tangible.

How do I do that? Honestly, the process is all trial and error right now. But, at the very least, I wake up every morning with the intention to move and live and love guided by alignment with that dream.